My wife has had Christmas music playing through the house all month, and I can’t just sit here and pretend like the dude in “Baby It’s Cold Outside” isn’t a complete creep. Here are some of the most alarming lyrics, with my comments:
My mother will start to worry (beautiful what's your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (listen to the fireplace roar)
This woman still lives at home. Is she even 18?
The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)
Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)
OKAY BILL COSBY.
I ought to say, no, no, no sir (mind if I move in closer?)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried (what's the sense in hurtin' my pride?)
“Hey, why would you do something like not sleep with me when it might hurt my ego a little? I’m a sensitive wittle predator…”
I simply must go (but baby, it's cold outside)
The answer is no (but baby, it's cold outside)
THIS SHOULD BE THE END OF THE SONG. She said no, and couldn’t have been more direct. It’s on tape! You’re going to jail, man!
My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious)
Anyone else get the creeps right here?
I've gotta get home (but baby, you'd freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat (it's up to your knees out there)
“Sleep with me or freeze to death. There is no third option, like sleeping on the couch or in a guest bedroom.”
You've really been grand (I thrill when you touch my hand)
But don't you see? (how can you do this thing to me?)
Thing = blue balls.
There's bound to be talk tomorrow (think of my lifelong sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied (if you got pnuemonia and died)
Again, two choices. Sleep with me, or death by pneumonia. Your call.
Baby, it's cold...
Baby, it's cold outside