FAQs (Back to Extras)

Q:  When did you first know you wanted to be a comedian?

 I used to get out of trouble all the time by making funny faces at my dad, because he couldn’t stay mad at me when he was laughing.  It drove my sister nuts because she’d still get grounded.  I figured maybe I could get by in life if I could just keep making people laugh.

Q:  What was the first joke you ever told?

 I was three years old.  My dad asked me a question and I crapped my pants.  Does that count? I still use that bit sometimes.

Q:  Are you ever going to cut your hair short?

 No. I’m secretly afraid that my hair holds all of my funny, and cutting it would destroy my career.

Q:  Are you ever gonna go by Robert, or Rob? Isn’t “Robbie” kind of immature for a 24-year-old?

 Sorry, I couldn’t hear you, I was laughing at my own fart.

Q: What was so funny about it?

Well, it sounded normal at first, but then kinda trailed up and got high-pitched at the end…  it sounded like my butt was asking a question.

Q: Well what kind of question would your butt ask?

 Exactly why I started laughing.  The possibilities are endless!

Q:  I went to your show, and all you did was talk about your wiener for 20 minutes.  Can I get my money back?

 No.

Q:  Are these really “Frequently Asked Questions,” or are you just drunk?

 Hammered.