SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT

a free chapter from MY NEW book, 

TOILET MATERIAL: VERY SHORT STORIES FOR VERY SHORT ATTENTION SPANS.

 

 

“Ugh, look at that douchebag,” said Steve, in between sips of his whiskey and coke.

“Dude … sunglasses at 11 p.m.?” Jason replied. “That’s exactly what’s wrong with this bar. It’s turning into another goddamn hipster hangout.”

“It’s changing fast, that’s for sure,” said Steve. “A couple years ago, I’d walk into this bar and recognize nearly every single person. All locals. Now there’s this ridiculously long line to get in, and I hardly see a familiar face.”

Jason and Steve ordered another round of whiskey and cokes.

“You can hardly call this a dive bar now. Gentrification at it's worst. Nothing but rich assholes trying to push their lifestyle on us. I’m telling you, if it wasn’t for rent control, we’d get kicked out of here so fast,” said Jason.

“Holy shit, Sunglasses Guy’s friend might be even worse. He brought his fucking dog to the bar,” Steve grumbled into his glass as he took another swig.

“That’s even more hipster than the sunglasses! I bet they’re bragging to the waitress about how it’s a rescue,” said Jason.

“People say I rescued him,” said Steve, in his best wimpy dog owner impersonation. “But he’s given me so much love and purpose … I say little Boomer here is the one who rescued me.”

Now three whiskey and cokes deep, Jason hit his limit.

“I’m gonna go say something to them.”

“Dude, don’t. Not worth it.”

“No, man. Someone has to step up. This is our bar, and we can't just sit back and watch these tight-jeaned, sunglasses-at-night hipsters stomp all over the culture we’ve built here!”

Just as Jason was getting up, the two hipsters stood up to leave. Sunglasses Guy pulled out a white cane with a red tip and aimed it out in front of him to start walking. His friend picked up the dog’s leash, making sure the yellow reflective strap marked “Service Dog” was secure across the dog’s chest as they made their way toward the exit.

“Oh, shit,” mumbled Jason, sitting back down in his seat and taking a sip of his drink.

“Whatever,” said Steve. “This place is still changing.”

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