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The Hooker Fanny Pack I love Los Angeles. I work in downtown LA, and you can see some of the craziest shit. A few days ago I was driving home after a long day at work, and it was dark enough for the hookers to start working the corners. And this one hooker (who was mildly attractive, but had the biggest Adam’s Apple) was standing on her corner, wearing a fanny pack! A pair of shorts with half of her ass hanging out, a tube top, and a fucking fanny pack. Any thoughts on what this hooker might be keeping in her fanny pack? Leave me comments below with your suggestions. I came up with the following possibilities: condoms, lube, change for clients, lipstick, crack cocaine, and a picture of her mother. My first thought when I saw this hooker (other than “how much do you think she charges?) was that this is a time-efficient, business savvy hooker. She found a way to out-trick the other tricks, and I have no doubt that her fanny pack is loaded with cash as a result of her timesaving techniques. She shouldn’t be turning tricks on the corner, she should be making the important decisions at a Fortune 500 Company. I’ve decided that I’m going to quit comedy, and market my own brand of hooker fanny packs, and be filthy rich. I’ve already thought up the commercial, it’s gonna go a little something like this: FADE IN: A car pulls up to the corner and JOHN rolls down the window. TONYA, a hooker, approaches the vehicle.
TONYAHey baby, looking to party tonight? JOHN Hell yeah, how much? TONYA Only $15 for oral, big boy. JOHN Perfect, do you have change for this $20? Tonya feels around, but has no pockets. Queue the dramatic violin music. She turns to John. TONYAI’m sorry, I don’t have any change on me. JOHN (enraged) Are you fucking kidding me? And you call yourself a hooker?! John speeds off, tires screeching. Tonya is crying uncontrollably. An ANNOUNCER speaks from offscreen. ANNOUCNER (V.O.) Are you sick of losing clients because you don’t have pockets? Tonya nods her head in accordance. ANNOUNCER Sick of constantly running back to the 99 Cents Store to get more rubbers? Tonya nods again. ANNOUNCER Well Tonya, wipe away those whore tears. Because here’s Hooker Fanny Pack! A hand from offscreen hands her a Hooker Fanny Pack. TONYA Hooker Fanny Pack! Well how does it work?! ANNOUNCER Well Tonya, I’m glad you asked. Hooker Fanny Pack comes complete with all your hook-ing needs, in one convenient zip-up pouch! No more errands, no losing clients. It’s perfect for the hooker on the move! Tonya puts the Hooker Fanny Pack around her waist, and immediately a 15 car line pulls up to her, all honking and holding cash out of their windows. TONYA Thanks Hooker Fanny Pack, you’ve really turned my life around! ANNOUNCER You’re welcome Tonya, looks like you’ve got work to do! TONYA I sure do! The men in their cars are honking and telling her to hurry the fuck up. FADE TO BLACK.
Anyone want to go into business with me? --Robbie |