500 Words or Less

The 6 Steps From Full Beard to Clean Shave

There are a few reasons to go from a full beard to a clean shave. Maybe you have a big job interview, or maybe your significant other finds it repulsive and you’re more interested in eventually having sex again than you're interesting in winning this battle of facial hair.
 
But hey, it took a long time to grow that puppy out! It would be a crime to just shave it all off in one swoop. In fact, it goes in several phases.

1.    Full beard

 
I thought it looked good. Like a rugged lumberjack! This beard made me feel like I could build things out of wood and change my own oil! Oh well, here it goes…

2.    Mutton chops

 
I wonder what I’d look like as a Civil War General for the South… oops, it actually makes me look pretty racist. Let’s move along…

3.    Goatee

 
Let’s try a little Guy Fieri… oh, that’s outta bounds! Better take a shaving time out and scarf down a couple dozen Buffalo wings!

4.    Mustache


Hi, I’m not allowed within 100 yards of a school or park… and yes, that’s my windowless van parked out front.

5.    Hitler mustache

 
You can try to pretend you were going for a Charlie Chaplin look, but we all know what you were up to… it’s okay to be curious! Give your upper lip a little wiggle… it’s pretty entertaining.

6.    Finally, Clean shave

 
Good god, I look five years old. Mustache Me would probably be really into the new me…